Monday, September 13, 2010

Confession: part 1

(My Grandma Call has exquisite taste. This is a lamp that has hung in the girls' room forever)

I have been dreading this post. Okay… deep breath… here I go…I have not finished my psychology degree that I started back in 1997, (what is that 13 years?) I have been totally unmotivated to complete it and yet I felt guilty that I wasn’t at least making some progress towards its finale.

It is ALWAYS embarrassing for me when people ask, “Now what did you get your degree in?” (Most of these people are super nice and have at least a Masters in something way more impressive than psychology.) I stammer and say something to the affect of, “I haven’t finished my psychology degree, I would get cracking on it after Hans got his PhD, and that I wished I’d picked something different, yada yada yada.” The general response would be, “We’ll you’ve been busy with 4 kids, and traveling and supporting Hans with his endeavors, etc.” and we’d quickly move the conversation to something less awkward.

Hans had brought up this subject millions of times prior, with such gentle and encouraging words like, “Hey maybe you could sign up for a class this semester…” or “You have some great friends here, I bet they’d watch the kids for a couple hours if you wanted to take a class..” I’d get upset because I knew he was right. I SHOULD take a class; I should ask for help, I should want to want to finish my degree. I’d tell a couple of close friends that my unfinished degree was like the pocket of fat the clung to my thighs or a dark rain cloud that followed me and kept me from doing everything I wanted to do.

More guilt piled on me as I thought about how little I had left to finish. (It was about 10-12 classes.) Then I’d remember how I took a couple of Spanish Language classes, back when we lived in Mexico. I never followed up with getting any credits transferred to UNLV. Frankly, I was afraid to call the Universidad Autónoma de Guadalajara (UAG) because my Spanish was/is not good and my understanding is about the same. So being the avoider that I am, I just didn’t do it. It made me sick to think about all that wasted money and time. It made me feel even sicker to think that Hans felt sick about all that wasted money and time.


grandmacynthia said...
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Kristin Chesnik said...

Looking forward to part two...and hopefully more pictures of Grandma's lamps! Love it!!! Everyone has guilt about something or other (like maybe going to school and feeling badly leaving your kids with someone else). So life goes--no worries. You are AWESOME with or without a degree!

Stacie said...

Good for you for still even having the desire to complete it. Even without it, you have accomplished so much.